After my first son turned 18months old, I just wasn't feeling quite right. Pregnant? No way, I can count how many times on one hand! I'm getting ready to start nursing school in January, me and hubbie we are working together to try and make both of ourselves happy, and lil' man is just now walking good, toddling around, bringing us joy despite all the other things we deal with on a daily.
I don't know what told me to go in that store and buy a pregnancy test. And can you imagine the looks I got anyway, "she has a baby and is buying a pregnancy test to see that she is getting ready to have another baby............is she nuts?" (I have always been worried about what other people think, I am still trying to work on not caring!) I pull into the driveway, check the mail axiously, (I had been waiting on my acceptance letter to Nursing program), got in the house, lil'man ran off playing, I sat on the toilet, p'd on the dumb stick that was going to ease my mind about how I had been feeling, and started to open THE LETTER..................literally, in my left hand I held my future(the acceptance letter, I had been granted into the Nursing Program) and in my right hand I also held my future, (MOTHERHOOD, a second time around)! And to top that crazy, wonderful moment, my toddler comes to the bathroom door, "ma-ma", and the bottom let out, (tears people, not what could be insenuated here). I was crying again. Another emotional pregnancy.
The pregnancy followed through pretty much like the first. I was not able to finish nursing school at the time. I fufilled one semester and then took a leave to have my baby that summer. Again, I had the same Doc, who was very good, I have nothing bad to say about him. I had actually begun labor on my own, but as so many believe, labor is painful from the start, it was not for me. I actually did not even realize that I was in true labor. I went for a routine NST, ( I battled high BP with both pregnancies), and they admitted me because I was in active labor, (BTW, I still wasn't hurting, I actually felt good). Once fully admitted they augmented my labor, (PITOCIN), and things got ugly! Again, I was able to manage, however, this time I didn't even want the stadol because it had made me so looney and itchy last time. My baby was born healthy and safely at 4:49p on a Thursday, and I retore in the same tear as with my first birth.
This birth was even better. I was still not aware of a lot options, and the statistics on birth, and more, but this birth felt a little more empowering. Maybe it was because it was known terrain, maybe it was because it was 1/2 the time of my first, was it because I started labor on my own and seen that it was a "good feeling" and not a "painful feeling" as many paint it? I still have not put my finger on it, but for whatever reason that birth felt good and it made me curious for the first time, "What is really a natural childbirth? What would it be like to do this from start to finish, on my own?"
My blessings kept growing and growing. I already had a precious son, and now I had two. Now this fellow, he was cute fresh out of the womb. The first words from my mouth as they laid him on my chest were, "Honey, look at him, he is so cute". His eyes are the first things you would notice about him, they are bold and beautiful. They draw you into him and just make you want to know more about him. If you can get past those eyes of his, he has a smile to go right along with them. Hah...........my boys are going to cause me fits when they get a little older! He is a lover boy, he loves to love and be loved. He is gentle, but can go the opposite direction in a heartbeat, yes he can be stubborn as a bull. For the most part, he is mister "cheesy" smiling all the time and it is so contagious. He loves to play and eat. He does both so well, (LOL, the eating part is his daddy...............ummm, okay, me too. We love food way too much). He clings to his older brothers every move, wanting so much to do what he can do, (baseball, go to school). He is sweet and genuinly cares for others. I would not trade this fellow for nothing either.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Imagination Running Wild.............. (Baby #1)
He is sooo....beautiful! I may be partial, but trust me if you met him, and really got to know him you would say the same thing, not just off his looks, but his personality. I can't believe I gave birth to such a wonderful being. Me, this imperfect person, striving to do right at all times, yet still manages to make som mistakes here or there, got the privelage to be a mommy! WOW!
That was totally how I thought the first moment I laid eyes on my first son. I still feel the same way this very day, 4 years later. I was a young mommy-to-be. He came along as a huge surprise. My husband and I had only been married for 3 months or so. At first awareness that I was carrying a tiny seed within, I was shocked, scared, happy, nervous, and mostly I just cried. My hubbie, he was so excited he took the garbage out as soon as I asked him to, not waiting until the next day or even next week, (LOL, he did literally....picked up the garbage went outside with a beaming smile, as if he had done his fellow mankind some good :o)
We were young, just starting out, things were shaky financially, basically just enough for us to get by, not a third person too! Well we accepted this blessing and so did our family. At the time, I never was truly open to all of the birthing options that were available to mothers. I just knew you got pregnant, you had a doctor, you had a baby at the hospital, the staff and the doctor would take care of the both of you, you would go home, and everything was peaches and cream from that point on. (HA HA HA HA, I laugh now)
Even though the pregnancy and birth of my first son was very mainstream, I have accepted it and I do not look back at it as something bad, or "how could you have birthed that way", "that wasn't natural", "you let them do that to you". That birth was very satisfying to my "taste" at that time. I was medically induced, labor started @ 1:00p, I received stadol, labored hard, but I was able to manage, I did not have an epidural, I pushed 5 or 6 times, my baby arrived healthy @ 2:03a the following morning and I ended with a 1st degree tear. I nursed right away and BF continued to be an easy thing for us. I had all the routine newborn procedures performed, including circumcision.
Once home, I did not realize it at the time, but eventually after doing research on my own, I realized that I had been suffering from PPD, (at the time of discovery 4 months had elapsed). I began treatment with anti-depressants, but I could not handle the fact that many people become dependant on such medication, and I was not willing to live on a pill to cope. Through prayer, faith, and awesome support, I was able to tackle that issue, become healthy again and care for myself and family as I needed and wanted to.
The outcome of this birth, has been a reward. At times challenging, but I would not allow anyone to take my place or his! My baby is now 4 years old. He is very imaginative now. His mind is bigger than he is. His smile is the first thing you would notice, (as his father's smile is the first thing that melted me), he is very thoughtful and concerned for others. He is inquisitive, wanting to know all and do all. He loves baseball, football, movie time with family, traveling, fruits and veggies, cars, and the list goes on. He is my Prince, my sunshine, (I use to sing, "You are my Sunshine", to him every morning when he was a baby and early tot, and I still do at times).
That was totally how I thought the first moment I laid eyes on my first son. I still feel the same way this very day, 4 years later. I was a young mommy-to-be. He came along as a huge surprise. My husband and I had only been married for 3 months or so. At first awareness that I was carrying a tiny seed within, I was shocked, scared, happy, nervous, and mostly I just cried. My hubbie, he was so excited he took the garbage out as soon as I asked him to, not waiting until the next day or even next week, (LOL, he did literally....picked up the garbage went outside with a beaming smile, as if he had done his fellow mankind some good :o)
We were young, just starting out, things were shaky financially, basically just enough for us to get by, not a third person too! Well we accepted this blessing and so did our family. At the time, I never was truly open to all of the birthing options that were available to mothers. I just knew you got pregnant, you had a doctor, you had a baby at the hospital, the staff and the doctor would take care of the both of you, you would go home, and everything was peaches and cream from that point on. (HA HA HA HA, I laugh now)
Even though the pregnancy and birth of my first son was very mainstream, I have accepted it and I do not look back at it as something bad, or "how could you have birthed that way", "that wasn't natural", "you let them do that to you". That birth was very satisfying to my "taste" at that time. I was medically induced, labor started @ 1:00p, I received stadol, labored hard, but I was able to manage, I did not have an epidural, I pushed 5 or 6 times, my baby arrived healthy @ 2:03a the following morning and I ended with a 1st degree tear. I nursed right away and BF continued to be an easy thing for us. I had all the routine newborn procedures performed, including circumcision.
Once home, I did not realize it at the time, but eventually after doing research on my own, I realized that I had been suffering from PPD, (at the time of discovery 4 months had elapsed). I began treatment with anti-depressants, but I could not handle the fact that many people become dependant on such medication, and I was not willing to live on a pill to cope. Through prayer, faith, and awesome support, I was able to tackle that issue, become healthy again and care for myself and family as I needed and wanted to.
The outcome of this birth, has been a reward. At times challenging, but I would not allow anyone to take my place or his! My baby is now 4 years old. He is very imaginative now. His mind is bigger than he is. His smile is the first thing you would notice, (as his father's smile is the first thing that melted me), he is very thoughtful and concerned for others. He is inquisitive, wanting to know all and do all. He loves baseball, football, movie time with family, traveling, fruits and veggies, cars, and the list goes on. He is my Prince, my sunshine, (I use to sing, "You are my Sunshine", to him every morning when he was a baby and early tot, and I still do at times).
Introduction
Hello,
I have chosen to start a blog of my own. I have enjoyed many others and I thought it would be neat to start one of my own. I have always journaled many things in my life. Actually, I grow quite fond of reading my own thoughts and at times I even find going back over my own thoughts is sort of theraputic. Anywho, the Curious Birther..............?
Well this will be a journey written and logged regarding my ups and downs, my findings, my joys, my experiences, and my view of what birth is, whether that is through my personal giving birth, seeing birth as a Doula/Childbirth Educator, or other(s) experiences.
I hope in some way someone will find my blog enlightening, relatable, educational..........again this is my journey, personal and professional, if you don't like it................get a blog of your own :o)
I have chosen to start a blog of my own. I have enjoyed many others and I thought it would be neat to start one of my own. I have always journaled many things in my life. Actually, I grow quite fond of reading my own thoughts and at times I even find going back over my own thoughts is sort of theraputic. Anywho, the Curious Birther..............?
Well this will be a journey written and logged regarding my ups and downs, my findings, my joys, my experiences, and my view of what birth is, whether that is through my personal giving birth, seeing birth as a Doula/Childbirth Educator, or other(s) experiences.
I hope in some way someone will find my blog enlightening, relatable, educational..........again this is my journey, personal and professional, if you don't like it................get a blog of your own :o)
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